Children are gone. Let the panic begin. They are staying at a hotel tonight. I don't know why. Because it can't be much bigger than his room. God forbid he tell me where he freaking lives. jfdslk;fdsoiafjodi;sfdisoa;!
Am going to see about a job in Watson tomorrow. How fun! There is pretty much no housing out there so I will have to drive 4o minutes to work everyday. Not cool. You start cutting that much into my sleep time, I get pissy. I'm gonna have to figure out something. I can't be that far from work. I just can't. My body says it needs those few minutes. And I believe it. -pats tummy- I know.
My mom said she had a dream that I went to work in Watson and found love there. *cough*spazz*cough*cough* Excuse me. I has a cold.
What else? Oh. I'm part of a family of elitist. LMAO. I'm a nutcase. And that's pretty much in the family too. Haha.
And so snip snap snout
this blog's told out.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Roided
I had planned on sharing some random "Polaroids" I "took" with you, but I didn't label them and such. Because I am teh failz.
So, uh, tomorrow is the first weekend that Kyle officially has the kids. Oy. I know not what I am gonna do. Probably be pissy and panicky all weekend. But he is taking them to Jackson, which I'm not completely sure is part of the deal, but I can't exactly stop him. I'm pretty sure that he can take them anywhere on his weekends. Bleh. As long as I can still take them where I want on my weekends, fine.
I wanted him to take their knap-sacks a day early. Wouldn't. Not surprised. He questioned me the whole time and of course he had an answer for everything. Of course.
And that's the end of that because this is not the place for the drama. Nope. Nope. Besides. I should be in bed. I went to bed at 10. But of course my body went "adfkl;afdkl;afj! Can. Not. Sleep. Any. More.!" at about midnight. So here I am. And I keep hitting the damn slash button instead of the period button. And it's starting to aggrovate me. There we go. No more problems.
I just found out that I am very good at being a caveman but not so much when it comes to killng sasquatch. Har. That bitch just would not die! And now the slash is taunting me again. FUUUUUUUUUCK! YOUUUUUUUUU!
My head. It aches. Stupid freaking sinuses. Stupid freaking TMJ. Stupid freaking slash. Go AWAY!
Oh yes. I am random. Oh yes. And you love it.
What else? I need some rum. Where's Captain Jack when you need him? Off pillaging, I suppose. Ah Captain Jack. I'll love you. And I'll never leave you. Don't care if you're a dirty rotten pirate. You look hot in guyliner. Oh Jack. Take me! NOW! Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirate's life for me! We'll have little pirate babies that'll be born with perfectly lined eyes. Oh yes. I secretly think you are part cat. >_< LMAO. I delirious. So...
snip snap snout
this blog's told out
So, uh, tomorrow is the first weekend that Kyle officially has the kids. Oy. I know not what I am gonna do. Probably be pissy and panicky all weekend. But he is taking them to Jackson, which I'm not completely sure is part of the deal, but I can't exactly stop him. I'm pretty sure that he can take them anywhere on his weekends. Bleh. As long as I can still take them where I want on my weekends, fine.
I wanted him to take their knap-sacks a day early. Wouldn't. Not surprised. He questioned me the whole time and of course he had an answer for everything. Of course.
And that's the end of that because this is not the place for the drama. Nope. Nope. Besides. I should be in bed. I went to bed at 10. But of course my body went "adfkl;afdkl;afj! Can. Not. Sleep. Any. More.!" at about midnight. So here I am. And I keep hitting the damn slash button instead of the period button. And it's starting to aggrovate me. There we go. No more problems.
I just found out that I am very good at being a caveman but not so much when it comes to killng sasquatch. Har. That bitch just would not die! And now the slash is taunting me again. FUUUUUUUUUCK! YOUUUUUUUUU!
My head. It aches. Stupid freaking sinuses. Stupid freaking TMJ. Stupid freaking slash. Go AWAY!
Oh yes. I am random. Oh yes. And you love it.
What else? I need some rum. Where's Captain Jack when you need him? Off pillaging, I suppose. Ah Captain Jack. I'll love you. And I'll never leave you. Don't care if you're a dirty rotten pirate. You look hot in guyliner. Oh Jack. Take me! NOW! Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirate's life for me! We'll have little pirate babies that'll be born with perfectly lined eyes. Oh yes. I secretly think you are part cat. >_< LMAO. I delirious. So...
snip snap snout
this blog's told out
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I Wish...
I don't want to stay here. I really don't. But I don't really want to go. I don't want to leave my mother behind, again. I can't. I can't let her stay here and have her health deteriorate and be 6 hours away. I just can't. So, if I can put off moving until a few years down the line, then that's fine.
But if she wants to move with me...that'd be better. That'd be so picture perfect. That'd be so ideal. We'd all be close to the whole family and it wouldn't kill us just to visit them. The family could become close again. We could be a real family again.
Our family used to be thisclose but now...Now we're in separate worlds. And it hurts. It hurts bad. I want my family back. My whole family back. Nay. I NEED my whole family back. NEED!
I need as much love and as many hearts with me as I can get right now. I can get through this just fine, but I need my family with me to push me through. I thought being selfish was the ticket. Move and be alone.
But now I realize that family is what I need. And yes, it is still selfish. But it's not as much as it was.
I need proper time to close chapters in my life. The truth of the matter is I could lose three "adult" influences. And soon.
My mother. Who, I always wanted to be like. In spirit. She never quit. Never. When people said she was too dumb to do nursing school, she went anyway. When people told her that she couldn't work as a nurse any more, she found a way. When they pushed her out and left her in the cold, she moved on. And when times got tough, she got tougher. And now, at 53, with 5 herniated discs, permanent nerve damage in her leg, a gob of heart and breathing problems, she needs me. I don't need her any more. Not in the sense that she has to take care of me.
It's my turn. I have to take responsibility and take care of my mother. I'm much younger than I ever thought I would be doing this, but that's life. I have to suck it up and just do it. I'm 25. Time to be a real woman. Mom, this one's for you:
"And it's run for the roses
As fast as you can
Your fate is delivered
Your moment's at hand
It's the chance of a lifetime
In a lifetime of chance
And it's high time you joined
In the dance
It's high time you joined
In the dance --"-Dan Fogelberg-"Run for the Roses"
My Uncle Mike. Uncle Mike is quite unique. You know that weird uncle you have? Yeah. Uncle Mike is him. Only weirder. Yes, he's arrogant. Yes, he's a pain. And yes, of course, he's a know-it-all. But honestly. I wouldn't have him any other way. And he was put on a pacemaker/defibrilator last summer. His heart works at 10%. He's ready to go. We're not ready to let him go. Uncle Mike and I have always had a rocky relationship. Pretty much because I wouldn't do things his way. Yeah. I'm as stubborn as he is. I'll admit it. We used to butt heads constantly. But I really do love the son of a bitch. Steven Hyde? Yeah. That's pretty much Uncle Mike. When it comes to musical taste, that is. And he's freaking smart, just ask him. He's the only guy I know that ever WANTED to become a CPA. Words aren't enough to give you the full picture. So, I'm going to shut up and sing.
"And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How evrything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll."-"Stairway to Heaven-Led Zeppelin
My Aunt Sheila. Aunt Sheila is a "forever child". She's my mother's sister,but it's like she's also mine. Because her brain didn't develop all the way. She has brain damage and is mentally retarded. She has Kearne-Sayers Syndrome, and some other things. Basically her brain is being eaten from the inside out. If you look at a CT scan of hers it's like somebody took a painbrush and just painted it white starting in the middle of her brain and going down her sprine. She has her good days, and her bad days. But even her good days are getting bad. Breathing is harder. Thinking is harder. Moving is harder. It's auto-immune. So it's like Lupus, but on fast forward and without the joint pain. She doesn't see the bad in anybody. Always the good. She isn't programmed that way. She's Christian in every sense of the word. If you need a hug. Just ask her for one. She'll give it to you. In a heartbeat. She's not stingy. In any way. Her Christian attitude is so strong, I was going to give her my hair when we thought it was a tumor/cancer. I was so moved by her spirit that I was willing to give up my pride. So, here's to her:
"Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so;
Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so."-"Jesus Loves Me"- Unknown.
And there they are. Three reasons. Three influences. Three special people. Three chapters to close. This is why I need to move.
But if she wants to move with me...that'd be better. That'd be so picture perfect. That'd be so ideal. We'd all be close to the whole family and it wouldn't kill us just to visit them. The family could become close again. We could be a real family again.
Our family used to be thisclose but now...Now we're in separate worlds. And it hurts. It hurts bad. I want my family back. My whole family back. Nay. I NEED my whole family back. NEED!
I need as much love and as many hearts with me as I can get right now. I can get through this just fine, but I need my family with me to push me through. I thought being selfish was the ticket. Move and be alone.
But now I realize that family is what I need. And yes, it is still selfish. But it's not as much as it was.
I need proper time to close chapters in my life. The truth of the matter is I could lose three "adult" influences. And soon.
My mother. Who, I always wanted to be like. In spirit. She never quit. Never. When people said she was too dumb to do nursing school, she went anyway. When people told her that she couldn't work as a nurse any more, she found a way. When they pushed her out and left her in the cold, she moved on. And when times got tough, she got tougher. And now, at 53, with 5 herniated discs, permanent nerve damage in her leg, a gob of heart and breathing problems, she needs me. I don't need her any more. Not in the sense that she has to take care of me.
It's my turn. I have to take responsibility and take care of my mother. I'm much younger than I ever thought I would be doing this, but that's life. I have to suck it up and just do it. I'm 25. Time to be a real woman. Mom, this one's for you:
"And it's run for the roses
As fast as you can
Your fate is delivered
Your moment's at hand
It's the chance of a lifetime
In a lifetime of chance
And it's high time you joined
In the dance
It's high time you joined
In the dance --"-Dan Fogelberg-"Run for the Roses"
My Uncle Mike. Uncle Mike is quite unique. You know that weird uncle you have? Yeah. Uncle Mike is him. Only weirder. Yes, he's arrogant. Yes, he's a pain. And yes, of course, he's a know-it-all. But honestly. I wouldn't have him any other way. And he was put on a pacemaker/defibrilator last summer. His heart works at 10%. He's ready to go. We're not ready to let him go. Uncle Mike and I have always had a rocky relationship. Pretty much because I wouldn't do things his way. Yeah. I'm as stubborn as he is. I'll admit it. We used to butt heads constantly. But I really do love the son of a bitch. Steven Hyde? Yeah. That's pretty much Uncle Mike. When it comes to musical taste, that is. And he's freaking smart, just ask him. He's the only guy I know that ever WANTED to become a CPA. Words aren't enough to give you the full picture. So, I'm going to shut up and sing.
"And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul.
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How evrything still turns to gold.
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll."-"Stairway to Heaven-Led Zeppelin
My Aunt Sheila. Aunt Sheila is a "forever child". She's my mother's sister,but it's like she's also mine. Because her brain didn't develop all the way. She has brain damage and is mentally retarded. She has Kearne-Sayers Syndrome, and some other things. Basically her brain is being eaten from the inside out. If you look at a CT scan of hers it's like somebody took a painbrush and just painted it white starting in the middle of her brain and going down her sprine. She has her good days, and her bad days. But even her good days are getting bad. Breathing is harder. Thinking is harder. Moving is harder. It's auto-immune. So it's like Lupus, but on fast forward and without the joint pain. She doesn't see the bad in anybody. Always the good. She isn't programmed that way. She's Christian in every sense of the word. If you need a hug. Just ask her for one. She'll give it to you. In a heartbeat. She's not stingy. In any way. Her Christian attitude is so strong, I was going to give her my hair when we thought it was a tumor/cancer. I was so moved by her spirit that I was willing to give up my pride. So, here's to her:
"Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so;
Little ones to Him belong,
They are weak but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so."-"Jesus Loves Me"- Unknown.
And there they are. Three reasons. Three influences. Three special people. Three chapters to close. This is why I need to move.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Change of Heart
I think God may be pushing me in the direction of Memphis. Memphis would pretty much rock. At least for a while. It's closer to my extended family. And pretty much in the lap of my bestie. I'm looking at houses and I see a lot of options. A lot more than SC presented. My mom suggested that we only go about half the distance JIC. So, I started looking in the Memphis area, and it's great. Plus, Memphis is big enough to present me with enough job opportunities. My goal of working at St. Jude is so close right now. And the U of M is RIGHT THERE. God answers prayers. It may not be the answer you're looking for, but he answers prayers. I am really excited!
She Keeps Pulling My Hair
Stuffy nose? Check. Sore throat? Check. Aches and pains? Check and check. Phlegm? Very much so check.
Yes. I am sick. Again. I hate winter for this very reason. Lowered immunity is teh sux.
I r tiredz. Need sleep. Can't think.
Talked to my mom. Seems ok with the big move. Says that if I think I need it then it's okay. I r teh confuzed. Y her not say I only fink it what I r needing? Weird.
I needz to stop talking like a cat. And I need to find a coat. The coat I was SUPPOSED to get isn't being made any more? Stupid. So now I have to find another brown coat. Farking!
Don't you just love how my titles never seem to match the content? Yeah that's on purpose to make you read. Does it work?
Um...so, that's it. Mondays are boring.
Snip snap snout
This blog's told out
Yes. I am sick. Again. I hate winter for this very reason. Lowered immunity is teh sux.
I r tiredz. Need sleep. Can't think.
Talked to my mom. Seems ok with the big move. Says that if I think I need it then it's okay. I r teh confuzed. Y her not say I only fink it what I r needing? Weird.
I needz to stop talking like a cat. And I need to find a coat. The coat I was SUPPOSED to get isn't being made any more? Stupid. So now I have to find another brown coat. Farking!
Don't you just love how my titles never seem to match the content? Yeah that's on purpose to make you read. Does it work?
Um...so, that's it. Mondays are boring.
Snip snap snout
This blog's told out
Sunday, January 11, 2009
What Color Are Beavers?
I just want to say that I am gassy! So look out!
My sinuses are being mean to me again. And so are my children, but that is a different story entirely.
I pretty much want somebody to conk me on the head and knock me out for a few days. I don't think I can handle whiny little voices a day longer. This weekend the kids were absolute brats. Let's leave it at that.
I'm not even really stressing about a job any more. I'm really into this SC thing. They have tons of shit to do there and many of them are FREE! And as Vicki said, there is a USC campus nearby. It's about 40 minutes NE of Greenville. I LOOOOOOVE IT! I think I'm going to make the leap. I just need a weekend to hop over there and look at places. I really really think Greenville is the place for me. I'm going to be praying over it, and I ask that you do the same. Pray that God give me a sign either in favor of going or in favor of staying. I'll take either even though what I want to go is get away from everybody, which would include my mom. I just want to clear up any miscommunication I had before. My mom lives in Baton Rouge, as do I. SC is 10 hours AWAY from her. Not sure if I made that clear. I really don't WANT to be that far, but if I have to be to have peace of mind, I will.
Right now I need to get my mind straight. Then I can think about others. This is solely selfish. I am aware, but if I don't take care of me, who will? I just need to take care of Susan right now. I need to get out of the habit of doing whatever I'm told. I did that the whole time I was with Kyle. The whole reason we moved back here was because HE thought it would be good. NOT because I really wanted to. I wasn't given a choice. Anything we did, was because HE thought it was what we needed. NEVER once did he ask me. Not that I would have told him the truth. Not that it would have matter. Get it? So, yeah. I need a little selfish time. If you can't support that, you're in the wrong place.
I just want to give a shout out to muh girls, Rach, Nik, and Desi. They are my guiding light. They are my soul. They are the very people that keep me sane. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but these girls...I cherish them very much. So, go visit their blogs. Rach Desi Nik And while you're at it, check out the forum site where we all met, BijouxMB. Tell them True.Blue; sent you. Nik and Rach are super admins and co-creators, desi is an admin, and I am a super mod. Very great place. Also take a look at QuarantineMB. Tell them that Queen;Bee sent you. It's another pretty good forum site I visit. They're both a close knit group of gals. We'd love to have ya.
And that's pretty much it.
Snip, snap, snout,
This blog's told out!
My sinuses are being mean to me again. And so are my children, but that is a different story entirely.
I pretty much want somebody to conk me on the head and knock me out for a few days. I don't think I can handle whiny little voices a day longer. This weekend the kids were absolute brats. Let's leave it at that.
I'm not even really stressing about a job any more. I'm really into this SC thing. They have tons of shit to do there and many of them are FREE! And as Vicki said, there is a USC campus nearby. It's about 40 minutes NE of Greenville. I LOOOOOOVE IT! I think I'm going to make the leap. I just need a weekend to hop over there and look at places. I really really think Greenville is the place for me. I'm going to be praying over it, and I ask that you do the same. Pray that God give me a sign either in favor of going or in favor of staying. I'll take either even though what I want to go is get away from everybody, which would include my mom. I just want to clear up any miscommunication I had before. My mom lives in Baton Rouge, as do I. SC is 10 hours AWAY from her. Not sure if I made that clear. I really don't WANT to be that far, but if I have to be to have peace of mind, I will.
Right now I need to get my mind straight. Then I can think about others. This is solely selfish. I am aware, but if I don't take care of me, who will? I just need to take care of Susan right now. I need to get out of the habit of doing whatever I'm told. I did that the whole time I was with Kyle. The whole reason we moved back here was because HE thought it would be good. NOT because I really wanted to. I wasn't given a choice. Anything we did, was because HE thought it was what we needed. NEVER once did he ask me. Not that I would have told him the truth. Not that it would have matter. Get it? So, yeah. I need a little selfish time. If you can't support that, you're in the wrong place.
I just want to give a shout out to muh girls, Rach, Nik, and Desi. They are my guiding light. They are my soul. They are the very people that keep me sane. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but these girls...I cherish them very much. So, go visit their blogs. Rach Desi Nik And while you're at it, check out the forum site where we all met, BijouxMB. Tell them True.Blue; sent you. Nik and Rach are super admins and co-creators, desi is an admin, and I am a super mod. Very great place. Also take a look at QuarantineMB. Tell them that Queen;Bee sent you. It's another pretty good forum site I visit. They're both a close knit group of gals. We'd love to have ya.
And that's pretty much it.
Snip, snap, snout,
This blog's told out!
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