Let me tell you what today was like. Today was the epitome of chaos. There isn't anything as chaotic as being backstage at a dance recital. Children running in and out of dressing rooms. Mamas helping children in and out of costumes. Dance instructors running back and forth. And all of it is worth it. Completely and totally worth it. When the audience sees the show, everything seems to run so smoothly. And I guess it does, but you gotta move quickly. One false move can be the difference between nine children on stage and eight children on stage. One slow hand can mean the difference between twenty children with flowers in their hair and nineteen children with flowers in their hair. Let me go through a run-down of today. My day started at about ten. Not bad since the show started at 1:30. I had asked my grandma to bring the kids to me at 10:30. I thought that would give me enough time. Boy was I wrong! She brought them to me at ten. And that made a big difference because, as it turns out, I needed that half hour. I start with make-up, which is easy. All they need is a little blush and a little lip gloss. I put eye shadow on Camryn because she's older, but that's it. And then comes the hair. The hair is a nightmare! First, the hair wasn't combed the night before so that's not good because it's tangled as hell. I start with the big one because her hair is the worst. I section it off and brush throiugh it, a section at a time. Then, I lacquer it up at the roots, all around her head and the underside. Then I brush the clay into the hair to make sure her bangs get blended well with her hair. This step also ensures that the hair is smooth and that there are no "tacos", if you will. I make the ponytail, and begin the twisting, wrap the bun, and realize that the bun's too low. So, I begin again. The ponytail holder snaps in the middle of making the ponytail. I start a third time only her head is crooked, only I don't notice, so, the whole thing comes out with what I call "attitude", which means its obvious that the bun is right of center. Bah! Time to start again. At this point, my grandma decides to help me by literally holding Camryn's face. This works for the ponytail. Yessssss! I wrap the bun, snapped on the second ponytail holder, wrap it in a hairnet and call it done. Perfect! And it only took four tries and two differentlocations to get. So, I start on Jayde. Here's the thing. I have made four "recital buns" for Camryn. This is my first time doing one for Jayde. Another mother did hers last year. But I calm my nerves and go for it. Now, here's the problem: I am used to Camryn's thick hair and Jayde never let's me do her hair. But I start with hers in the same manner I do Camryn's except, as I mentioned, she never lets me do her hair. She screams until my mom brushes out my hair. So, my mom brushes out her hair. And I lacquer up her hair and she is looking at me like I'm insane but she lets me do it after I explain that I just did the same thing to Camryn, which she just witnessed. Her bun goes up, no problem. Then, it happens. My mom says that the hair is "popping out". Oh, and Jayde already has a hole in the toe and a small run in the thigh of HER BRAND NEW TIGHTS. So, my mom grabs her hairspray. Me She sprays down Camryn's head, she sprays down Jayde's head, she sprays down Jayde's thigh, and she sprays down Jayde's toe. THE DAY IS SAVED! I get the girls into their costumes, get on my dress, grab the "recital bag" and head out the door. That's when the real trouble starts. We get lost on the way to the theatre. Now, I have driven to the theatre about a million times, but never in the rain and never with my grandma driving and never with someone giving us bad directions. I'll say it. My dad actually got the directions wrong. And nobody would listen to the person who's been there before. Finally we get to a building connected to the theatre and I'm like let me and Camryn out and I'll be back for Jayde. Problem is we go the wrong way through the building and end up wandering around. I finally get Camryn in the right place and sometime between getting Camryn backstage and going back for Jadyde the torrential downpour has stopped and my grandma has decided to move the car. And to make things worse, she isn't answering her phone. Typical. I manage to finally get her on the phone and she admits to me that my dad has taken in Jayde. No pro that my dad taken Jayde in. Ugh! Why me? So, I manage to find the car and it's running, basically blocking the drive, and noone is even in it. But it's locked...am I supposed to be thrilled by this? Anyway, finally my dad gets back. And then my grandma does. I grab the bag I left in the car. And head back to backstage...again. I find Jayde and she's fine. I find Camryn, and she's fine. Now, let the real games begin. I decide to stay in Jayde's room because there are twenty nine little girls and one Buffy in the room. We start accessorizing them and there are three missing bracelets. Not good. So we make a decision. Hat leans right, so, the bracelet only goes on the left side only. Perfect. The first seven numbers go off without a hitch and then the real test of chaos begins, the chaos known as "costume change". Costume change isn't completely as horrible as it sounds but you gotta move fast. Twenty nine little bodies need to be transferred into new costumes. Luckily for me, eight of them have been changed already but there is a child who cant find a costume and her class needs to get to the stage...NOW. We find the costume and there is an instructor yelling "change her" and I'm dumbfounded. The teacher ends up changing her and is like you gotta be faster. OK. Now, I have twenty bodies who need new costumes and out of nowhere I have an extra set of hands. And guess what. Most of the kids know how to find their own costumes can change themselves without a snag. Except some have grabbed the wrong costume and now we have to figure out who has on the wrong one. Buffy is excellent at sorting out who's wearing the wrong costume. While she does that I go around tucking in shoe strings. Because ballerinas don't have strings. And we have everyone ready. Right. On. Time. We get back to the room and are faced with a third challenge. Figuring out which costume goes with which bag and which set of shoes. And most of the kids are helpful. But some are not. Because some of the costumes dont have names in them. Are you kidding? But we get it done to the best of our abilities and its time for the finale. Rush back out of the room. When the finale is over we finish sorting out costumes and hand them over to the kids. And line them up for pick up. The moms clean up the rooms and find all the stray items and get all those together. Now, its time to..."socialize". This means talking to Kyle's parents and pretending I still give a damn that they're still alive. I kinda don't. And they're being social and I'm being awkward and their grandpa wants to make pictures and stuff. No big deal but my mom's sugar is dropping. So, finally, she's like we gotta go, so, I'm like saved by the diabetes. And so we get going. We ask the kids what they want and Jayde wants Cane's, Camryn wants Chilli's. So, we stop at Cane's on the way home. We get home, I change, the girls change, my mom changes. And we head out to Chili's. We get there and the experience is a lot better than I remember. The kids get a little antsy toward the end, but that's just them. But I'm happy, they're happy, everyone is happy. But during dinner I find out that Rose has quit and that there's a pretty interesting story behind it involving the cops. I don't have all the gritty details, but it involves a blow up with Trung ending with Trung calling the cops on Rose. Anyway, we decide to go shopping and guess who I run into at the store. My. Ex. Husband. And oh. My. Gawd. Is it awkward! Ho. Ly. Shit. So, we finish shopping and all the chaos dies down and that's it. And fyi, i am tapped out for the year.