Broken Toilets: A Stream of Consciousness Event

I'm mad at Kyle, very mad at Kyle.  He's ruining everything, again. Because of him, I can't move on. Because of him, Josh is holding back. Because of him, I can't even go the 3,000 miles to meet the light of my life. Because of his selfishness, he moved back in. Because he moved back in, our old divorce became null and void. If I hadn't of been for my rash actions, we'd just now be starting the countdown to a year apart. If it weren't for his lies, I'd be free. Free to live. Free to love. Free to move on. So, yes, I'll admit it. I'm mad at Kyle. This whole mess is his. And I'm the one cleaning it up. I'm the one coming behind him, once again, with the mop and the broom and making everything OK. Or at least trying to.  I'm doing my best, and of course, my best isn't up to his standards. But does he help me get them to his standards? NO!  He'd rather be a no-good pain-in-the-ass, as usual. And he gets rewarded. Life hands him golden ticket after golden ticket. He has the house. He has a fiancé. He doesn't have to struggle. Everything is handed to him on a silver platter. EVERYTHING! And I keep telling myself how I'll get my chance one day and how one day karma will get him. And I have to believe it because if I don't I'd probably sob for hours upon hours everyday. But seriously, I'm waiting, life. I'm here. With my arms wide open. And I'm waiting for anyhing you have to offer me, good or bad. But I'd prefer good because after awhile all the bad is going to start to smell like shit. And nobody likes that smell because that's the kind of stink that don't come out. And I'd really like to forget some of this. I'd like to put it behind me and never look back. Because looking back causes accidents. And we all know that accidents are bad and can kill people. And we all know that killing people is never a good thing because people like it when they continue to live. Breathing. Living. They are two different but two very good things. And that's why people like them. Yep. And that's the truth. The solid gold forever truth.   

She Shoots, She Scores

I should probably start posting these on the day I write them. I just had to change "today" to "yesterday" like three times in the last entry. Sheesh!

So, the book is coming along better than hoped. I don't have quite as many wods written as I had hoped, but the ideas for scenes keep coming. I think I just wrote my ending scene last night, though.  I'm going to have to write a lot of hickey scenes soon, so, the research really needs to begin. I also need to figure out what city to set it in. I know I has to be up North because we don't have hockey teams down here, and it should be a city that has a ice skating rink/ hockey arena and at least three hospitals, so, it needs to be a big city. I could make something up, I guess. If you have city name ideas, let me know.  Oh! And I need to name the team and a rival team.  I'll let you know when I figure out these details. 

I went to visit the NaNoWriMo website last night and I realized that I don't have Internet on my computer yet. Oops!  I've been having a lot of those blond moments here lately. I MUST be falling in love. They happen more frequently if I'm falling. Although, I'm pretty sure I already fell, but whatever.  I just wish I knew what he's thinking. He's kinda hard to read lately. Must be the whole mourning thing. I've never really experienced it from this angle before. It's a whole new ballgame when it's a boyfriend. 

Kyle never lost anyone while we were together, not really. Angel (his dog) didn't  die until after we were separated, I think. And besides, a brother and and a dog are NOT the same. No matter how much you humanize it.  A dog is a dog. And yes, that is gonnna sound mean. And yes, I get the whole "part of the family" bit, but you just can't get that close to a dog. A dog can't tell you stories. You can't take a dog out to a movie.  You see where I'm going here. A pet is a pet, and that is all. Yes, you can love them, but they just don't love you back as a brother or sister would. -jumps off soapbox- Sorry. Got caught up. 

I just want it to be Friday. That is when the munchkins return. I just wish I could remember if I'm supposed to get then or if he's dropping them off. I should probably ask. I swear, though, if he acts like I'm an idiot for asking I'm not going to be too pleasant. I have a lot on my mind, and while I love my kids, knowing who is picking up/dropping off is not a priority. That's just the way it is.  End of story.

The Incredible Edible Egg

Got about 900 words written yesterday. I'm shooting for about 50,000. I think that's how many you're supposed to do with NaNoWriMo. I forget. 

I'm kinda bored. 

Josh was texting me when he went to see Sherlock Holmes today. It was awesome. Of course it was just before he went. And then he helped me with some grammar and spelling issues I was having while writing. Turns out he got the card today. That makes me very happy. I thought it was taking an awful long time to get there. I thought maybe it wasn't going to before 2009 ended. Lol. Sheesh!

I had a weird sex dream that had me questioning things.  But enough about that because nobody really cares. Besides, Tiana basically banned me from exploring the option or bringing it up any further. Yeah. That isn't going to make sense, but this is for me. It'll remind me to just say no.  Shut-up. 

I decided Sunday to spend the cards for the girls and then wrap the gifts and write who they were from on them. So, I got Camy a replica of Sam's remote from iCarly and some Hello Kitty dolls and I got Jayde a 24" girraffe and a coffee maker playset. Then they each got a recyclable tote bag.  Anyway, I wrapped all that yesterday.  It was interesting. I'm very badly out of practice when it comes to wrapping.

What else? Blogging everyday is hard and leaves me with nothing to say. Har. 

I didn't bring up the NYE thing to Josh. I don't know how. I also don't know how to tell him I miss his voice, so any help would be awesome. 

I think I'm done for today.  

And the Work Begins

I made a list of characters for the movie. This is just a rough list. Notice that "Ashley Amut" has Wil Wheaton next to it, but none of the other characters have an actor/actress name next to them? That is because Kevin already picked him as the lead. I'm contemplating renaming him "Wesley Crusher". Haha. But I wanted use last names of people I know as a little "shout-out" to my peeps. Need to add some so I can use some more. Or change "Kenny" to a girlfriend. I dunno. Also, yes, all the straight males have "female" names and the girls all have "male" names. It's on purpose.

Hit Somebody- Characters:

Main-

1.   Ashley Amut- Hockey player- Wil Wheaton (boy)
2.   Kendell "Kenny" Amut- Hockey player's wife- (girl)
3.   Taylor Kalau- Hockey player's bff-(boy)
4.   Finley "Finn" Bies- Hockey player's bff's girlfriend-(girl)
5.   Dayle Lister- Hockey player's wife's bff-(girl)
6.   Gustav Humke Hockey player's teammate #1-(boy-gay) 
7.   Blair Johnson- Hockey player's teammate #2-(boy) 
8.   Courtney Baker- Hockey player's arch enemy-(boy)
9.   Brennan Weber- Hockey player's arch enemy's girlfriend-(girl)
10. Lesley Ayers- Hockey player's arch enemy's bff-(boy)

Actually, I should probably listen to the song. Har. And now, I'm thinking I'm gonna write a book instead. I don't know nothing about writing a script. Lol.

You Wanna Learn Spanish? Take the Bus!

So, I figured out new way to blog. Write the entries on the notepad and then copy/paste them to blogger. No way am I going to text them any more. It's a pain to fix that shit if I go over so many characters. And I'm going to blog everyday until the end of 2009. 

I'm feeling better today. Josh seems better, too.  

Went to the post office today, and the machine that lets you buy stamps with coins/cash is gone.  I just wanted to mail a card and my resume'. Eighty- eight cents!  No need to use a debit card. Fwah!  Thank goddess there was someone there who could help. I gave him the money and he put the stamps on the envelopes. So nice! But seriously, who does away with the stamp machine? Argh!

I was feeling/looking so pretty today.  I love days like that!  I got some new shampoo and conditioner and it makes my hair feel/look ah-maazing. 

What else?  I didn't start writing my script, yet.  I'll probably have a character list to share tomorrow, though. I want to begin work on it as soon as possible.  

Sadness And Confusion And Weirdness. Oh My!

So, ok. I've been kinda feeling off. Josh's brother died on the 16th, and since then we've both been a little off. He was coming out of it a little, but then the funeral was the 23rd. So, we're both back to feeling off. I'm so glad Christmas is over, though. Maybe we can both come out of by New Year's Eve. 

I really wish I could have spent today with him. And I really wish I could spend next weekend wih him. -sigh-  This relationship keeps getting more and more complicated.  Maybe he will call me around midnight on NYE and we can "spend" midnight together. Of course, that's assuming he's off of work. I hate his schedule. The end. 

I'm going to pick up my second to last check tomorrow. Hopefully, I won't have to give the whole thing to my mom. She paid for the last of santa's gifts. I still have to get hair dye, an lbd, and my gifts to the girls. I'm going to get them each a stuffed toy, panda for Cam and giraffe for Jayde. Or maybe Camy would like an elephant instead. Idunno. I think I'll ask. Lol. 

The girls each got $30 Toys 'R' Us cards from the Eskews. That was extremely nice of them, since they aren't doing all that much better than we are. I haven't decided if I'm just gonna pick up their gifts or let them. Either way, it's gonna take forever. Har. I also have like $13 from last christmas for Camy. I'm thinking I'll do that and get something for the dollhouse. Yep. Yep. 

I've decided that I'm gonna write a script and send it to Kevin Smith.  Yep.  Lol. He hasn't written his new movie, yet. I know shit about hockey, but I can research.  Haha. Someone should probably let Mr. Smith know that a crazy girl from Lousiana will be penning HIT SOMEBODY for him. 

Yes, I am in a weird ass mood. So, there.  

Boy Crazy

And now there is Marty aka Mr. Tiger Woods. Not because he's a cheater, but because of his looks. His smile mostly. He isn't half Asian though. And guess who he was for Halloween ( I didn't know this before I gave him that nickname)? Tiger freaking Woods! And I just got the strangest feeling of Deja vu.

Vulnerability and Boys

I hate that overwhelmed feeling I sometimes get while working. The last two days I almost started crying at work. Thank goddess for Shaun. He got me through it quite nicely. But did I tell Josh about Shaun? Sorta kinda. I told him I made a fwiend at work, and when he asked for details, I changed the subject. Is that wrong? I'm thinking it's not. But I'm also wondering why I don't want him to know. Interesting. To be continued...

Beep! Beep! Beep!

ATTENTION EVERYONE! I have an IMPORTANT announcement to make.

Happy Birthday to me! That is all

Everything Is NOT What It Seems

I don't know how many of you don't know, yet, but I got a job. I will start on Black Friday. Yes, this is crazy, but it's when they need me. Whenever I go on Monday, that is when training will begin. Where? Oh right. At Macy's. Yes, I will working for the big red star. I am in recovery. Well, until the 6th. On the 6th, I will become a Men's Department Associate. At least that's how I understood it. Now, I may have heard it wrong. It may just be Friday and Saturday that I'm working recovery. Either way, it's a paycheck. But I have a month to prove myself so that I can stay on and become a regular employee. It shouldn't be too too hard because they all liked me a lot it seemed. I had ALL the right answers the other day. For once, I was cool and confident instead of cockyish. I had to sell myself, and I finally figured out how. At any rate, I have something more for my resume. Oh. Hours. 6-close, which will be 6-midnight soon enough. I am working a day shift Friday and Saturday, however. THAT could be interesting.